It’s almost midnight. I head to the kitchen for my last cup of hydration before bed. Coming down the stairs, I hear two people conversing in a foreign yet somewhat familiar language, so I quietly make my way across the room to prepare my tea. “What time will you go to sleep?†I ask upon taking a sip. “In a while,†you reply with glee. I sit down to finish the rest of my drink and see what had you grinning from ear to ear; it’s that trending k-drama on Netflix right now. Watching you binge-watch the series so attentively, I start to notice the silver in your hair and the creases on your skin. It’s as if I’ve hit ‘play’ on the remote control and the scene jumps to 15 years later.
Suddenly, it hits me that one day, the chair in front of the TV will be empty at 12mn. One day, the voice that greets me when I get home will turn silent. One day, the text messages asking me where I am will stop. Because one day, the person who brought me into this world won’t physically be here anymore — and there is nothing I can do about it.
Death is an inevitable part of life that we often forget also follows the people we love.
Sure, it’s quite easy to imagine ourselves becoming all wrinkled and frail as we breathe our final breaths — assuming a natural passing — but when it comes to our parents and the parental figures in our lives, it can be deeply heartbreaking. Watching the very people who molded us into the person we are today grow old and weak is perhaps one of the hardest things about growing up. It is a thought that is almost always accompanied by a splinter of sadness and/or hopelessness, so we tend to bury that image at the back of our heads. We try not to think about it too much as a way of coping that it ends up completely slipping our minds. That is, until the idea resurfaces and we are left to simply accept the truth.
The clock will keep ticking, we will continue to grow, and our loved ones won’t cease to age. It is just the reality everyone is going to have to face, so let us try to savor every single moment with them, because time won’t pause to give us another chance to spend even a second together. Hold them in your arms while you still can. Give them a kiss on the forehead. Make them feel the full measure of your love, appreciation, support, and forgiveness, without expecting anything in return. Actually tell them about your day and let them in on what is going on in your world — they just want to be a part of it.
Let us make an effort to get to know them much better.
Take them out on a date. Ask them about their own life, their childhood, and the generations before you. Maybe even work on a family cookbook or a family history archive together, if you don’t already have one. What is it that makes their heart sing? And what makes it grieve? Allow them to communicate their worries and frustrations openly, but be sure to look after your own mental and emotional wellbeing as well. Treat them with utmost patience, understanding, and gentleness as they begin to slow down, forget, and, in a way, deteriorate. Oh, and listen to their stories with curiosity and sheer sincerity; don’t just pretend.
Rather than the sorrow and the deep longing we are bound to experience, let us focus on creating those memories that warm the soul.
Let us take advantage of the precious moments we get to weave together in the present, so that when their heart beats for one last time, we will be able to live forward without regrets, as they would have wanted us to.
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